What I am about to share is something extraordinary, and I call it a miracle because my body finally seems to be healing after five lost years of living with a debilitating illness.
This is a shortened version of the past five years of my life, a period in which my world completely collapsed and in which I believed recovery might never come. It is about Long Covid, a condition affecting an estimated 40 million people worldwide, causing long-lasting physical, mental and cognitive symptoms.
In the Netherlands, a large-scale national program was launched in November 2024 to support people with Long Covid. Thanks to this program, and my participation in a clinical trial at the Long Covid Expertise Center at UMC Amsterdam, I finally feel as if I can see the light again.
Long Covid and the Worldwide Impact
Long Covid is complex, a kind of umbrella term for a long list of symptoms. It is not only about fatigue. It is an entire package of conditions and disruptions: chronic inflammation in the body and brain, post-exertional malaise (PEM), severe exhaustion, muscle weakness, forgetfulness, confusion, concentration problems, neurological manifestations, headaches, palpitations, breathing difficulties, hypersensitivity to light and sound, and a constant mental tension that shuts everything down.
One of the most disabling aspects for me was Executive Dysfunction, which meant I could not focus, initiate tasks, remember simple information or complete even basic work steps. At one point I had to stop working altogether because I simply could not function.
For five years every step, every movement, every conversation cost an impossible amount of energy. I often spent hours or days in bed with oxygen next to me while my body and mind struggled just to exist. Physiotherapy often made things worse and triggered setbacks. I avoided people, not because I wanted to but because I could not handle even the smallest interaction. I became a shadow of my former self.
The ICU and Home Recoveries
On November 6th, 2020, I was admitted directly to the ICU and placed on a ventilator. It happened just in time because I could no longer get air into my lungs. I was slowly suffocating. Thanks to the quick actions of the ambulance team and the incredible staff at OLVG Oost Medical Centre in Amsterdam, I got a second chance, although there were moments when even I was not sure whether I would make it.
Once home, I spent another half year with an oxygen tank beside my bed. My days often started at six in the morning and ended in exhaustion long before noon, even after the smallest effort. Everything that had ever been normal disappeared. My work, my social life, my routines, all of it collapsed. This was the beginning of a long period of hoping for recovery, a journey that challenged me physically and mentally in every possible way. I felt nothing and could do nothing.
Walking, Photography and Sparks of Life
In 2021 I forced myself to take small steps. First short walks with oxygen, then longer ones without the tank. I walked for kilometres every morning before Amsterdam woke up, just me, the silence, the canals and the first sunlight. Photographing those moments gave me back a piece of myself, a spark of life and hope. By taking a single photo I saw that I still existed, that there was still something of me left that had not been lost.
Many of those moments came with quiet tears. I have screamed into empty spaces where no one could hear me.
Between 2021 and 2024 my sunrise photos and other images were used regularly on National TV stations RTL 4 and RTL 5 for the weather segment. Around 200 of my best photos will hopefully be published in a high-quality photo book in a few months if my recovery continues, accompanied by short stories from that period as well as reflections from Amsterdammers. It is a look back at those extraordinary years, in which walking and photography helped me find myself again, even when I believed I might never recover.
Mental Struggles and Support from Loved Ones
The mental weight of Long Covid was enormous, almost impossible to describe. I struggled with lost words, the inability to communicate, panic and anxiety, and suicidal thoughts that hung over me like a dark cloud. There were many moments when I thought, “Please, let it be over.”
Yet some people stayed close. They wanted to understand even though they could not. They supported me through it. Others disappeared, unable or unwilling to keep up, and although that loss hurt, it helped me see more clearly who truly matters in my life. I am grateful for that now.
The Trial and Low Dose Naltrexone
In November 2024 the government announced an official Post Covid trial at UMC Amsterdam. My GP enrolled me and I was fortunate to be selected. After assessments, research and conversations with doctors, I started Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN) last month. LDN is not originally intended for Long Covid, but in small doses it can reduce inflammation in the body and nervous system by briefly blocking certain receptors so the body can reset its own regulatory systems. It calms overactive immune responses and helps the nervous system find balance again. Every week my dose increases slightly, step by step.
For me it feels like an awakening. After years of stillness, I felt my energy returning within days. A true miracle. My sleep is deep and restorative. My mind feels clear for the first time in five years, as if space has opened up and I can think again. My motivation, joy and sense of life — things I thought were gone forever — are coming back. I want to cook again, work again, laugh again, make plans and feel excitement for projects.
It feels bizarre and wondrous. For five years the colour of life had disappeared. Enjoyment did not exist. Everything was flat, emotionless and mostly dark.
Building a Safe Zone
One thing people often ask me now is whether feeling better means I can suddenly do everything again. The answer is yes, I can do more, but with great caution. Recovery does not mean the body is fully restored. My system still needs time to heal.
Over the years I have built a safe zone around myself, a calm environment with plenty of me-time, where my nervous system can stay regulated. I schedule work calls at strategic moments and keep a window during the day in which I am reachable, but everything is planned so I can manage my energy. I go to bed at the same time every night, I rest when I need to, and I allow myself to enjoy things, but always within limits. I recently managed to attend a dinner party, something I could not do before without ending up in a (minor) relapse. I was tired, of course, but not the way it used to be. That alone felt like real progress.
Documentary and Public Visibility
The beginning of my story was documented in 2021 by Pointer for KRO-NCRV in a mini-documentary. It shows a glimpse of how heavy Long Covid can be and what recovery looked like at that time, although that was only the start. I still cannot watch it without breaking down. (link to documentary)
The Miracle of Now
Now, five years later, I seem to be living in the middle of a miracle. That is exactly how it feels. Recovery finally seems to have begun, thanks in part to the medication, although the future remains uncertain. But the feeling that I am alive again, that I can move, laugh, work, dream and enjoy life, is unmistakable. It is direct, tangible and almost unbelievable. I can have conversations with energy and focus. I can make plans and follow through. I can think clearly, be creative and see the world with fresh eyes.
This miracle I am experiencing now is something I want to strengthen and hold onto. And I share it with you in the hope that others may find inspiration, hope and strength for their own path to recovery.
If you want to know more or stay updated on my road to healing, the best place to follow me is here or on Facebook, where I share updates.
– This blog was originally published in Dutch a week earlier on this website –
arjan eikelenboom 